10 Funny Ways To Say No To Drugs and Alcohol

  • No thanks, I get VERY VIOLENT when I’m high.

  • No thanks, I’m allergic to drugs…I break out in handcuffs when I use.

  • No thanks, the last time I drank, I stole the person’s wallet who served it to me!

  • Smoke a blunt? Isn’t that ILLEGAL? You could get ARRESTED for that!

  • I’m afraid it will not agree with my PSYCHE MEDS!

  • No thanks. I hate to PREACH but DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT STUFF DOES TO YOUR MIND AND BODY? Let me tell you exactly. I took pre-med college courses and for starters when you ingest …on and on and on….yadda, yadda, yadda.

  • Well, maybe, but I just want to make sure there’s a bathroom nearby…I have a very weak stomach and I tend to start vomiting uncontrollably when I drink or drug.

  • Well, I don’t ‘party’ or ‘get high’ anymore but now that you mention it I could go for SOME CRACK or a nice SYRINGE FULL OF HEROIN!

  • No thanks, I’m in AA – you know, Alcoholics Anonymous. My life was really unmanageable for years and I couldn’t take the consequences anymore. I was losing jobs, couldn’t keep any relationships together and my kids wouldn’t talk to me. By the way, how’s your life? How’s that getting high working out for YOU?

  • Hmmm, it’s been a while for me. It almost sounds good – how much do you have here? I know that I’ll need a couple bottles of that to start with – can you lend me $100 if I say yes? Oh, and I’ll need some coke to go with with that. Can I borrow your car for about an hour? I promise I’ll be right back. Look, you don’t have to worry…I have insurance. Oh yeah and I get paid next week so how about fronting me about 50 of those?

– Written by Bruce “The Gazette Guy” Huberman

– Photo courtesy of haley andres